I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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