Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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