What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i out mim tonsoeep
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