when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
