sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
