It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There r osticjed everywhere
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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