so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
