Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
