So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My pussy is not your playground.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
