after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
