i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
