She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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