five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Damn victory sex feels great
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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