I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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