Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
