Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
