he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
being pregnant is like rehab
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm sobbing to NWA
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
