I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
