he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
These tits shall not be calmed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
