Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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