Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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