if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
