the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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