i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
