i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
