did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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