We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
