Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
