Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
