He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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