Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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