I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
