You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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