is your mom at the bar?
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
