I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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