She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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