Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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