I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
