At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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