did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize