I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
