Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
