Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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