It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
