I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
