I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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