Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
