its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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