I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
