I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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