please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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