Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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