I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
