and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
