i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize