i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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