The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
