This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
