You made me cry and you don't even care
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
