You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
