He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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