and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
