Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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