This girl is more easily done than said...
i think i have herpe
just one?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
